If you haven't tasted Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi, but would like an idea of what it tastes like, do this - keep a straw in your pocket and wander around outside until you find a pigeon or squirrel that's been dead for, oh, say three months. Stick the straw into the dead animal and suck. Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi tastes like that, except worse. Plus, the taste lingers in your mouth for months. And gradually gets worse until it's like your mouth was invaded by the notoriously rare and deadly Asian Shit Ant.
What gets me is that they had high-paid executives sitting around a table, drinking this dreck and all nodding approvingly, "Oh yes, this is what America wants, a 'light, crisp, refreshing' beverage that tastes like Cheney sputum."
You want to defeat terrorists? Force them to drink Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi. I'm sure it would violate the Geneva Conventions, but they'd immediately tell you anything they knew, then hang themselves. Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi is torture in a 12-oz can.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
I'm Tired and I Want to Go to Bed
Found that piece of history at the bottom of drawer in my home in Norfolk. It's older than I am (84'), yet everything works like it hasn't been touched in years. This is probably true. I remember it was first found in a filing cabinet my father had scrounged for my mother from his office's mothball-annex. It was probably used to take pictures of their projects back when they had more projects to work on. I've been working on a roll to see if I remember something from my photography course oh so many years ago, I'll post the results.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Oil on Titan
I'm heading back home this weekend. Going home mostly because all my friends are going home as well. Most of my friends here in Richmond I went to high school with, so there is almost always a ride to and fro from Norfolk. In this post I'll catalog everything I need to do this weekend so I won't forget.
Study for Western Religion Exam (Zoroastrianism)
Do a drawing
Find an old SLR camera and figure out how to use it/if it works
Walk dogs
See "There Will be Blood"
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Cold War Kids
Indecision is the most dreadful state of existence there is. That state of being when you feel like you've come to a crossroads that will influence the rest of your life.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Robbers
Tomorrow we're starting on the Dew Breaker, which I admit I have haven't read yet. I hope its a book that I can just read in one sitting because I'm really into this Philip K. Dick novel called The Man in the High Castle. Its an alternate history novel centering around the implications of the Axis winning in World War II. It's a great fiction.
More in my sequence of plant drawings, this is a sketch of a dried boquet of flowers I found in the common area of my dorm. Its pretty confused, I don't know what I'll do with it (if I do anything) but it looks okay.
More in my sequence of plant drawings, this is a sketch of a dried boquet of flowers I found in the common area of my dorm. Its pretty confused, I don't know what I'll do with it (if I do anything) but it looks okay.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Mexico
Pet peeve of the year: absentee ballots. I can't vote in the election because I didn't put in an absentee ballot! What an unnecessary system. I want Obama to win in Virginia partly because of me!
Enough raging against the machine, this the best thing I've seen this week. Hint, it involves Spongebob.
Enough raging against the machine, this the best thing I've seen this week. Hint, it involves Spongebob.
Friday, February 8, 2008
15 Steps
so this morning i woke up barely on time as has been happening and i have to rush and rush to make it to my first class barely on time (this is very strenuous).
my first two classes this week have been sort of a waking nightmare where all i can do is sit frozen in place and wonder where i'm going to take my life.
then i go up to the top most part of the library to sit in a corner and drink bad coffee from the dining hall.
i've been reading this book that someone left on the desk up there called "behind the Spanish trenches"
it was a book written during the Spanish civil war in an attempt to drum up more support in Britain and elsewhere for the cause of the anti-fascists.
pretty interesting read.
today i actually ate lunch on my first break though and went to my third class where i sort of did the same thing i've been doing in my first two
then i went and did the studing thing.
somebody had written some new graffiti on the desk and i think it was some dave matthews band lyric or something because it sounded kind of familiar and was cornily (man give me some leeway here) romantic.
i responded to it by telling them to go get sucked under a bus.
actually nothing awful has happened to me today i've just had this cold shitty feeling all day.
i had another one of those great dreams the other night where i am going around doing vaguely adventurous things with people i can relate to; a nice change of pace from going to math class (yes this is my most frequent dream. it is a nightmare).
my first two classes this week have been sort of a waking nightmare where all i can do is sit frozen in place and wonder where i'm going to take my life.
then i go up to the top most part of the library to sit in a corner and drink bad coffee from the dining hall.
i've been reading this book that someone left on the desk up there called "behind the Spanish trenches"
it was a book written during the Spanish civil war in an attempt to drum up more support in Britain and elsewhere for the cause of the anti-fascists.
pretty interesting read.
today i actually ate lunch on my first break though and went to my third class where i sort of did the same thing i've been doing in my first two
then i went and did the studing thing.
somebody had written some new graffiti on the desk and i think it was some dave matthews band lyric or something because it sounded kind of familiar and was cornily (man give me some leeway here) romantic.
i responded to it by telling them to go get sucked under a bus.
actually nothing awful has happened to me today i've just had this cold shitty feeling all day.
i had another one of those great dreams the other night where i am going around doing vaguely adventurous things with people i can relate to; a nice change of pace from going to math class (yes this is my most frequent dream. it is a nightmare).
Thursday, February 7, 2008
The Freezing Atlantic
Today I came across a really awesome short story that I wanted to share (not written by me!). Here it is:
Crap, my hot adviser found out I like her.
Now that I've got your attention, it's time to disappoint you: No, I do not sleep with her. No, I don't even make a sly attempt. If you're still interested, read on.
Okay so at my school we have faculty advisers that are assigned to students according to their last names. The faculty advisers help students with scheduling conflicts, general questions, help with internships/employment, etc. My adviser is named Jess Depew and as you can see she's pretty hot. The picture doesn't really do her justice but they're all I've got at the moment. She's like 25 and she's only been at the school a few years. Anyway, I have been looking into getting an internship at a TV station or something over the summer, and the school helps coordinate these things with an internship database that's maintained by the advisers. You log on with your school ID and password and you can browse internships and stuff. I was having trouble logging on to mine so I went to go see Ms. Depew. That's where all the trouble started.
Firstly, I walked into office like 15 minutes early like an idiot and she's in the middle of lunch. So I awkwardly make stupid stall talk until she's finished.
"Oh, hey, what are you eating?"
"Salmon. I love it. I eat it practically everyday."
"Just salmon? That's pretty weird." Why the hell did I say this?
"Oh, well, I don't know. I try to eat healthy, natural foods...you know, like wild berries and honey and stuff."
"Yeah, I like food too." *facepalm*
Man, I was so nervous. Anyway, we finally begin squaring my stuff away. She looks up what I registered with in the beginning of the year. This is when the crap really hit the fan. This is how the conversation went:
"Okay, you're account name is [my name] and your password is ...'depewissexy'..."
Oh damn. I completely forgot that I put that as my password in the beginning of the year. What the hell was I thinking? It was probably the longest 20 seconds of my life before I finally got my balls together to stand up and leave. Just as I walk out the door she says,
"In the future, you might want to bear in mind what kind of things you want keep to yourself."
I was so freaking embarrassed I wanted to kill myself right then and there. I wanted to run the hell out of there and never, ever see her again. But something about what she just said kept me standing in her doorway. I decided to man up and apologize. I turned to her, looked her straight in the eyes, and swallowed my pride. And then, it hit me like a train full of bricks.
She was eating Salmon.
She tries to eat all healthy, natural foods, like wild berries and honey.
She told me that I might want to bear in mind what kind of things I want to keep to myself.
Ms. Depew was a bear disguised as a human.
Immediately, the bear saw that I had seen through its charade. It roared loudly and took a menacing swipe at me. I deftly avoided its claw and sprinted out of the office. The bear was soon in chase, crashing through the walls of the office as if they were made of paper. I jumped over the receptionist desk and ran out the back entrance. The bear followed, tossing the secretary aside like a rag doll. The bear began to pursue me through the street traffic. While I fought my way through the maze of vehicles, the bear simply careened its massive force through anything standing in its way. Cars veered off the road to escape the onslaught of grizzly force that was barreling down the road. The bear was gaining fast. I had no other option but to make my way into the nearest building: a preschool. I burst through the door, startling the children from their naps. Immediately, the bear slammed through the wall, crushing a child beneath his massive paws and burying several other children in sheet rock and debris. I maneuvered my way through the chaos towards the back exit. The pre-schoolers were little more than a screaming annoyance for the bear. Its massive paws cut swaths through the sea of toddlers with each swipe. I used the precious time these children had afforded for me to make my escape into the playground. I scrambled up a ladder to a fort-like structure. My goal was to walk across the monkey bars then jump to a tree which I could climb to the roof of the preschool and perhaps flag down a passing helicopter.
I began my trek across the monkey bars just as the bear charged outside, its teeth and claws still fresh with the blood of the innocent. It let out a monstrous roar and began its assault on the cheap, wooden
playset. I let go of all caution and ran to end the end of the monkey bars. I leaped for the tree branch just as the bear's enormous girth came plowing through the entire structure. I grasped the branch tightly as the bear collided with the tree, sending it into a daze. I saw this as my one opportunity not for escape, but for victory. I leapt off the tree onto the ground and grabbed a stray bar that had been shorn from the playset. The bear was slowly coming to so I had to act fast. I ran to the beast and thrust the jagged end of the pole into its jaw and through it's skull.
The bear had been defeated. I shambled home in pain but victorious.There will be more threads and more bears in the months to come.
But today, I returned home a champion.
Crap, my hot adviser found out I like her.
Now that I've got your attention, it's time to disappoint you: No, I do not sleep with her. No, I don't even make a sly attempt. If you're still interested, read on.
Okay so at my school we have faculty advisers that are assigned to students according to their last names. The faculty advisers help students with scheduling conflicts, general questions, help with internships/employment, etc. My adviser is named Jess Depew and as you can see she's pretty hot. The picture doesn't really do her justice but they're all I've got at the moment. She's like 25 and she's only been at the school a few years. Anyway, I have been looking into getting an internship at a TV station or something over the summer, and the school helps coordinate these things with an internship database that's maintained by the advisers. You log on with your school ID and password and you can browse internships and stuff. I was having trouble logging on to mine so I went to go see Ms. Depew. That's where all the trouble started.
Firstly, I walked into office like 15 minutes early like an idiot and she's in the middle of lunch. So I awkwardly make stupid stall talk until she's finished.
"Oh, hey, what are you eating?"
"Salmon. I love it. I eat it practically everyday."
"Just salmon? That's pretty weird." Why the hell did I say this?
"Oh, well, I don't know. I try to eat healthy, natural foods...you know, like wild berries and honey and stuff."
"Yeah, I like food too." *facepalm*
Man, I was so nervous. Anyway, we finally begin squaring my stuff away. She looks up what I registered with in the beginning of the year. This is when the crap really hit the fan. This is how the conversation went:
"Okay, you're account name is [my name] and your password is ...'depewissexy'..."
Oh damn. I completely forgot that I put that as my password in the beginning of the year. What the hell was I thinking? It was probably the longest 20 seconds of my life before I finally got my balls together to stand up and leave. Just as I walk out the door she says,
"In the future, you might want to bear in mind what kind of things you want keep to yourself."
I was so freaking embarrassed I wanted to kill myself right then and there. I wanted to run the hell out of there and never, ever see her again. But something about what she just said kept me standing in her doorway. I decided to man up and apologize. I turned to her, looked her straight in the eyes, and swallowed my pride. And then, it hit me like a train full of bricks.
She was eating Salmon.
She tries to eat all healthy, natural foods, like wild berries and honey.
She told me that I might want to bear in mind what kind of things I want to keep to myself.
Ms. Depew was a bear disguised as a human.
Immediately, the bear saw that I had seen through its charade. It roared loudly and took a menacing swipe at me. I deftly avoided its claw and sprinted out of the office. The bear was soon in chase, crashing through the walls of the office as if they were made of paper. I jumped over the receptionist desk and ran out the back entrance. The bear followed, tossing the secretary aside like a rag doll. The bear began to pursue me through the street traffic. While I fought my way through the maze of vehicles, the bear simply careened its massive force through anything standing in its way. Cars veered off the road to escape the onslaught of grizzly force that was barreling down the road. The bear was gaining fast. I had no other option but to make my way into the nearest building: a preschool. I burst through the door, startling the children from their naps. Immediately, the bear slammed through the wall, crushing a child beneath his massive paws and burying several other children in sheet rock and debris. I maneuvered my way through the chaos towards the back exit. The pre-schoolers were little more than a screaming annoyance for the bear. Its massive paws cut swaths through the sea of toddlers with each swipe. I used the precious time these children had afforded for me to make my escape into the playground. I scrambled up a ladder to a fort-like structure. My goal was to walk across the monkey bars then jump to a tree which I could climb to the roof of the preschool and perhaps flag down a passing helicopter.
I began my trek across the monkey bars just as the bear charged outside, its teeth and claws still fresh with the blood of the innocent. It let out a monstrous roar and began its assault on the cheap, wooden
playset. I let go of all caution and ran to end the end of the monkey bars. I leaped for the tree branch just as the bear's enormous girth came plowing through the entire structure. I grasped the branch tightly as the bear collided with the tree, sending it into a daze. I saw this as my one opportunity not for escape, but for victory. I leapt off the tree onto the ground and grabbed a stray bar that had been shorn from the playset. The bear was slowly coming to so I had to act fast. I ran to the beast and thrust the jagged end of the pole into its jaw and through it's skull.
The bear had been defeated. I shambled home in pain but victorious.There will be more threads and more bears in the months to come.
But today, I returned home a champion.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Oh Comely
You know what's always bothered me? Cold cereal mascots. The Trix Rabbit for example... if I were him I'd be strangling some kids. I remember a commercial where the fuckin rabbit WENT INTO A STORE AND BOUGHT A BOX OF TRIX WITH HIS OWN MONEY and kids came outta NOWHERE and basically mug the poor stupid rabbit and yell "silly rabbit! Trix are for kids". Damn Rabbit just sits there and looks depressed. NO! that wouldn't fly with me. I'd have pimp-slapped EVERY ONE OF those damn kids and made them go get me the REST of a "complete breakfast" and eat Trix right in front of them and THEN beat the hell out of them some more. and wtf is with the disguises? All the dumb rabbit does is hide his ears and all of a sudden he's a kid? I dunno about you, but if I saw a 6 foot RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap, I wouldn't immediately think "Hey, there's a cool lookin human kid, let me go over and share some of my cereal with him" NO. I'd be thinking "that's a 6 foot RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap... what the FUCK was I just smoking?"
Another thing... wtf is up with cereal being "A part of this complete breakfast". Last time -I- checked, cereal WAS breakfast. They show a big bowl of frosted flakes next to a waffle, a pancake, toast, a banana, agrapefruit... who the HELL eats a breakfast that big. Not me. I don't even EAT breakfast anymore. I mean, I eat when I get up but the whole thought "BREAKFAST IS ONLY SERVED UNTIL SUCH AND SUCH TIME" bitch, you make my fucking bacon and egg sandwich when I pay you the fucking money. Don't give me that.
Back to stupid cereal mascots...Lucky Charms. FUCKING LUCKY CHARMS. Lucky can turn the MOON into a marshmallow, and he can't escape a bunch of 6 year olds?!?!? C'mon now, Lucky. I KNOW your ass has got to have a "Blow some kids up" spell SOMEWHERE or make "kid marshamllows" and EAT THEM. "They're after me Lucky Charms!" KILL THEM, BITCH! I dunno why I went off on this rant here. It's just always bothered me."
Another thing... wtf is up with cereal being "A part of this complete breakfast". Last time -I- checked, cereal WAS breakfast. They show a big bowl of frosted flakes next to a waffle, a pancake, toast, a banana, agrapefruit... who the HELL eats a breakfast that big. Not me. I don't even EAT breakfast anymore. I mean, I eat when I get up but the whole thought "BREAKFAST IS ONLY SERVED UNTIL SUCH AND SUCH TIME" bitch, you make my fucking bacon and egg sandwich when I pay you the fucking money. Don't give me that.
Back to stupid cereal mascots...Lucky Charms. FUCKING LUCKY CHARMS. Lucky can turn the MOON into a marshmallow, and he can't escape a bunch of 6 year olds?!?!? C'mon now, Lucky. I KNOW your ass has got to have a "Blow some kids up" spell SOMEWHERE or make "kid marshamllows" and EAT THEM. "They're after me Lucky Charms!" KILL THEM, BITCH! I dunno why I went off on this rant here. It's just always bothered me."
Monday, February 4, 2008
November Has Come
The group editing workshop got me slightly worried. Both the papers we reviewed seemed to have driven the point they wanted in two to three pages. My essay on the other hand is running on to 5 pages and hasn't even reached the conclusion! Hopefully the extra length will really rub the point right in the reader's face so they don't miss it.
In other news, I'm 19 today. I celebrate this by sharing with you my favorite birthday card.
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